Week 5 Diary Room

[Derek]

Definitely disappointed I didn't win that competition. I've been in a competition slump and a life slump. I try not to let the two intersect, but it's something that's difficult for me to do, for some reason. It seems like when things are bad, everything brings me down. 

[Derek]

DAY 30:

Well, we are approximately one month into the game (depending on whether you're going by a 30 or 31 day month), and I am very happy to still be in the game. Obviously, a few hours ago, I wasn't feeling very happy. I did not win HOH and that really disappointed me. I mean, that's life, you win some, you lose some. But, I really want to win at least one competition before the game is over! We'll see what happens. No matter what, I am proud of everything I've accomplished, so far in this game. I hope to stick around longer, and after everything I've learned in the last few hours, my chances of having that happen have increased. Not guaranteed, because unless I get that Veto around my neck, I will never be guaranteed to stay. But, I feel a lot better.

After last week's vote, there was definitely a lot of surprise, shock, and I'll bet anger, over Van leaving the house. Bryson was definitely the most upset by Van leaving because the Private Eyes voted differently than he did. Bryson campaigned to get Jake out and he campaigned hard. And he didn't get what he wanted. And why didn't he get what he wanted? Because Christian put up Van, and because I voted differently than he did. I tried everything I could to convince Bryson that Van was the bigger threat, but he wouldn't budge. It is only because of Gabe's vote and Cody purchasing the extra eviction vote that Van left. But, this definitely angered Bryson. He hasn't really spoken to me, since. Whether it's because he is mad at me, or whether it's because he's busy with other things in life, I don't know. I may just end up having to confront him and asking him point blank if he's ticked at me. I don't even know if there is still a Private Eyes Alliance, anymore. That's up to Bryson, really.

I still have a good bond with Christian. He is one of the people I trust the most in this game. I hope that the two of us can continue to do great things together.

BUT, THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT CODY WON HOH! One of the veterans has power this week, and that makes me feel better than I would have if someone else had won. Cody messaged Jake and I both, in our group message, to let us know that he won. He said that this was to be "our HOH", that we would make a decision together as an alliance and move one step further together in this game. That made me feel so much better, as a player, to hear him say that. I believe I have "proven" to Jake and Cody that I am willing to work with them. They don't realize I didn't spend Chens last week, because Christian already told me he was HOH. Plus, I did vote for Van. I proved that, for sure. I knew I'd be making Bryson mad if I voted out Van, and that is a consequence I carry in this game. That should have definitely bought me points with them.

With Jake and Cody, you just never know. They may have the world's best blindside planned for me, right now, and I'm going to end up the punchline of the joke if I get evicted this week. But, while I see that as a possibility, I find I have more evidence that I'm safe and I can move forward with Jake and Cody, at least for now.

My goals this week are to keep the Private Eyes safe and try to get either James or Matt out of the house, this week. The bottom line is: I want great players in this game to take on Jake and Cody. I really don't want to be the one that gets HOH and gets rid of them, but that may have to be the case. For now, I want to get out players that are not participating. That way, it makes it more likely that great competitors will be able to beat Jake and Cody down the line.

I definitely still feel like the guy in the middle. I'm playing two sides with the Veterans and the Private Eyes. And one day, I'm going to make a decision that will see one of those groups broken apart. I still don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm already thinking about the future. Jake and Cody, together, cannot happen. But, when is the right time to do it? I am not sure about that, at all. Because if I move against Jake, and he wins Veto, that spells game over, for me. Everything has to work just right for that to happen.

For now, the goal is to keep the target away from Christian and Bryson. Cody did admit that he wanted to get rid of Christian, because he's upset that Christian put Van up and Van was evicted. Van was someone that Cody and Jake got along with, particularly Cody. Jake and Cody had wanted to work together with Van and me in the game, but I definitely didn't want that to happen. Getting rid of Van was probably a good move, for me, in the long run with Jake and Cody. Because now they don't have another person they can rely on, at least to my knowledge. Three is better than two, and I am in the same boat as Jake and Cody. So, I think getting rid of Van gave me insurance with Jake and Cody. That benefited me, a lot, in this game. Now, this week, the goal is to get rid of someone who won't help my game, and at this point, James is the prime candidate. He and I barely talk, and I just don't trust him with game information. So, I think getting rid of James is beneficial to me. That way, I can do a better job convincing Bryson that I'm really on his side.

Of course, the game I'm playing has one big issue. What happens if everyone connects the dots? What if Jake and Cody already know about the Private Eyes? That could be devastating to my game. The bottom line is: if Jake and Cody find out about the Private Eyes, it spells doom for me. They'll realize just how much I am playing and what kind of plans I do have, and they'll definitely either get rid of me or they'll get rid of Christian or Bryson this week to make sure I stay with them. So, as long as people don't connect the dots, I'll make it another week and be that much closer to putting plans into action. But, I take a chance every day, with every conversation I have. We'll see where the road ahead leads to...

[Derek]

DAY 32:

Well, barring a shocking twist or a Diamond Power of Veto, I am safe for another week! And I really feel happy about that. The decisions that were made this week still affirm that I have a strong enough bond with Jake and Cody to remain useful. I was able to divert attention away from Christian and Bryson, and I think next week, things are set up for an amazing week!

So, here is a recap. Jake, Cody, and I are still working together, as veterans. As far as I know, they have no idea that I've been in the Private Eyes Alliance with Christian and Bryson (Luci, too). So, that alliance seems to have stayed PRIVATE! The three of us really worked together, this week, and made nominations that really suited me, and maybe them, depending on their outlook. At this point, I want James to go, and I think that's where the house is leaning. James just doesn't seem to participate as much as Matt. I haven't really made a bond with James. Any time I've tried to talk strategy, he doesn't seem to want to give anything useful. I don't even know if he's in an alliance. But, I just don't trust him to help me in this game. He is too unpredictable. Other players are, too, but at least with Matt, I've talked with him more, so he might be of more help later in the game rather than James. So, James has to go.

In regards to the Private Eyes, the last time I spoke, the Private Eyes were on shaky ground. Bryson was really upset with the decision to vote out Van, but since he wasn't nominated, things may be looking better. I had Christian talk with Bryson over the last day, to try and see where his head was at. Bryson messaged both Christian and I, stating he had lost his phone and that's why he hadn't messaged us back. I was skeptical because Bryson hadn't returned my messages for several days. But, he reached out and wanted to know what we had learned over the weekend and who won HOH. I knew Cody had won HOH, and I told Christian that Cody won HOH because I trust him with that information. Christian and I discussed how to talk to Bryson, and we decided that Christian should tell Bryson, in private, that Cody won HOH. See, I think the biggest concern that Bryson has, at this point, is where my loyalty is at in this game. Am I more loyal to the veterans? Or am I more loyal to the Private Eyes? That's what Bryson seems to be concerned about. It could be more, it could be exactly that. But, based on what Christian told me, that is really Bryson's concern. So, I figured if Christian told Bryson that Cody won HOH, it would make it seem like I'm not as close to the veterans. Bryson seems better about everything and he is talking to me again. The Private Eyes appear to be back in business. But, I have my eye on Bryson. He may be part of my plan going into this week.

So, as it stands, there will be 8 people remaining in the game, after this latest eviction. I'm going to assume that James will be evicted. So, the people left are: myself, Jake, Cody, Christian, Bryson, Joner, Matt, and Gabe. I have made connections with everyone in the game, but my position in the game is very sensitive. As I've stated in previous diary rooms, I really am in the middle of this game. I have the veterans, Jake and Cody. I have the Private Eyes, Christian and Bryson. Gabe is kinda part of our alliance, but I am going to try and see if we can distance ourselves from him. Joner, I still have a Final 2 deal, but whether he still wants to honor that is hard to say. We haven't talked about that since the beginning of this game. And Matt and I talk every now and then. Other than Gabe, he's the person I know little about or have talked the least about game wise. But, Bryson and Christian and I were talking tonight and we may want to include Joner and Matt on our side.

So, I brought this up tonight with Christian and Bryson. There is more likely than not a double eviction coming up. If it's not happening at Final 8/Final 7, then it's probably happening at Final 7/Final 6. Maybe you guys don't have a Double Eviction planned, that's obviously possible. But, come on, we've had 48 Hour Eviction or Double Eviction every season of Online Big Brother. I don't see why this season will be any different. And with that coming up, there are going to need to be plans made if we want to get through it easily. That is why I think Christian, Bryson, and I want to talk to Joner and Matt. Obviously, Joner and Matt are going to want Jake and Cody out of this game. Jake took Chens away from Joner and Matt. Obviously, if either of them had won HOH this week, I have no doubt they would have targeted the veterans. The fact is, Christian and Bryson definitely want Jake and Cody out. And I want them split up, as well. Jake is a huge threat in this game and Cody has proven himself in the competitions this season. He won the previous Veto and this HOH. And I think Jake will hit his stride, very soon. Plus, he has all of those Chens. So, I think the plan is going to be to recruit Joner and Matt into a "voting bloc" "Coalition" "Alliance", heck I don't know what you want to call it. But, I think the plan is, if someone in this group wins HOH, we put Jake and Cody up for eviction. My hope is that I can convince Christian and Bryson that Gabe really isn't participating and we can't rely on them. So, if one of them comes off the block, then Gabe goes up as a pawn. And we vote out the other veteran. That way, I don't end up on the block as a replacement. But, this is my plan to cover myself with this side of the house. I have Christian and Bryson in the Private Eyes and I hope they will keep me safe. But, this way, the target goes towards Jake and Cody, rather than me, and we can split them up.

On the other hand, what if Jake miraculously pulls out a win for HOH? Well, then I do the same plan this week that I did last week. I hang out with the Veterans, play it like everything is cool, the Veterans rock, we dominate, and I try to protect the Private Eyes again. As a result, I try to get Matt out of the house, to preserve my alliance with Christian and Bryson. And also to make myself more essential to Christian and Bryson going down the road. Then, at double eviction, I try to win HOH, and figure out the best move, from there.

So, with all this being said, next week I am going to make one of the riskiest moves that I have ever made in my Big Brother history... I AM NOT GOING TO TRY AND WIN HOH! Yep, you're hearing it now. I am not going to give an effort to win HOH, unless something so shocking happens over the weekend that it changes my game. Other than that, if everything I said above works out and stays the same, I am not going to win HOH. Why? Because I don't want to end up like Ronnie from BB11. The bottom line is, whether I like it or not, I am sitting in the middle of the house. I have the veterans on one side, and I have Christian and Bryson on the other. This week, I could have won HOH and gotten away with nominating James, Joner, and Matt, without really upsetting anyone. Cause I would have shown the veterans I am on their side, and I would have demonstrated to Christian and Bryson that my alliance with them is good. This week would have been perfect to win HOH. Next week, NOT A CHANCE. I cannot get away with that, again, when it comes to Christian and Bryson. As far as I can see, there is only one reason why they would want Joner and Matt to join up with us: they want to take out Jake and Cody. And that means, if I don't nominate Jake and Cody, if I win HOH, then I run a high risk of losing their trust. They will start to think that I am absolutely with the veterans, and I will get folded into that group. From that point, nothing would save me from being a replacement nominee, unless I win Veto. And I can't chance my game on competitions, at this point. Ronnie in BB11 found himself in the middle. He voted with the Veterans, and then stupidly won HOH next week. That sealed his fate in the game. He had to choose a side, at that point. If I throw HOH, I don't have to choose a side. And I have options, then.

Really, I don't know which I would rather see happen next week. I don't know if it's better to see Jake win HOH, or if it's better to have Christian, Bryson, Matt, or Joner win HOH. Because if Jake wins HOH, then I can hopefully use his HOH to get out Matt or Gabe. If one of the others wins HOH, then I hope to split up Jake and Cody. I've talked a lot about the theme of remaining essential as being the key to my game, this season. I think that is really what Big Brother is about, more so than Survivor. On Survivor, yeah, you have to be essential. But you can be essential merely by being a number in an alliance. When someone wins Immunity, you just switch your plan and you remain a number. But, Big Brother is more than that. Because if someone else wins HOH, it changes the power dynamic in the game. So, how do you remain useful? By convincing players you are going to help them get farther in the game. That's what you have to show them. That, rather than being the person that is going to get them out, you're going to be the person that is going to keep them around. Especially in the middle point of the game, which is about where we are.

But the thing about this season is: with the Covert Affair twist, information and trust is more important than ever before. And with the veterans versus the new people, it also changes everything. Once Jake, Cody, and I were revealed, I knew it was going to be big for the game. But, I never realized I could really use an advantage with that reveal. Because, I can get information from all sides of the game, and use it to my advantage. Like with Jake and Cody: Jake and Cody flat out told me that they wanted to work with Van. They liked Van, they trusted Van, they got along with Van, and they thought the four of us would be strong together. But, I saw Van as my replacement. I saw Van being essential, I saw Van as the reason Jake and Cody would blindside me. So, what happened? Christian put up Jake and Cody, and then he had to put up Van. When it came down to Van and Jake, well, Cody and I were going to save Van. Gabe's vote was the miracle vote, plus Cody's eviction vote. But, when I helped get Van out of the game, I made myself more essential to the veterans. At this point, what other choice do they have, other than to keep me safe? Risk going down to two people and fighting the other six? I wouldn't like those odds. So, for Jake and Cody, I'm a number.

And when it comes to the latest plans, part of me would almost want to see Jake win HOH next week. Because my hope would be that he would nominate Joner and Matt, and I can get one of them out. Because I do get concerned that with Jake and Cody leaving the game, I become public enemy number one. I want to keep Jake and Cody for as long as I can, but the other thing is: I want to stay essential to Christian and Bryson, too. Who is not to say that Christian and/or Bryson is thinking: hey, bring in Matt and Joner. We have a new Final Four. We can get Derek out after Jake or Cody, or both, depending on what they're thinking. I would not put it past them. So, Jake winning HOH evens the odds a little bit, in my favor. Because as long as Jake stays loyal to me, then I cut out Matt or Joner, and I make it less likely that Christian and Bryson will recruit them.

See, that's the interesting thing about the game this season, for me. It's not so much getting out the threats, right now. It's getting out the players that could benefit those players, for me. As I said, Jake and Cody could have used Van, replaced me, and planned a move against me. I stopped that by helping to get Van out of the game. Bryson and Christian want to recruit Matt and Joner to team up against Jake and Cody. Maybe they're thinking about replacing me, and making a new Final Four deal. Well, if Jake wins HOH next week, then I can increase my odds of remaining necessary to Christian and Bryson by trying to get out Matt or Joner. So, I'm playing the middle and taking out players that could replace me, and staying essential to peoples' plans. That way, when we get down to the Final Six, I can make big game moves and pick a side. Then, I can hopefully win my way to the end and ally myself properly and intelligently.

The bottom line is: I'm going to have to fight my way to the end, one way or the other. Nobody is going to pick me to go to the end with. I am a veteran, I feel I have really been behind a lot of the evictions this season, and I can really talk a good talk. Jake and Cody will not pick me over the other. They will go to the end together, if they had their choice. And Christian and Bryson, I would feel I would have more of a chance, but it's a slim chance. And only Christian would possibly do it, but I don't think it would be in his best interest. Bottom line, if I'm in the Final Three, I have to win HOH, then. But, we'll worry about that, then.

So, I really feel that my position in the game is good. But, there are no guarantees. Two things can ruin my game, at this point. One: if people connect the dots. All it takes is for someone to make the right inquiry with the right person, and all of a sudden, people see just how much I am playing. And then I wouldn't blame them if they all teamed up against me. Two: if Jake wants to take revenge. Do I think Jake would do that in the Final 8? More likely than not, the answer is no. I think he realizes he needs me and Cody, both, for us to continue in the game and have numbers. But, I would never put it out of Jake's mind to do that. That is always possible, and Jake might take that opportunity in double eviction. It's hard to say.

But, after analyzing things, I would almost rather see Jake win HOH next week and I can help get rid of Matt. That way, it's less likely that Christian and Bryson will make a Final Four deal with them, and I can stay safe in my spot. I really think my game play is sticking with the Covert Affair/Spy type of game play. I am getting information from Jake and Cody, and using it to help Christian and Bryson. And I am keeping Christian and Bryson close with me, to keep us moving forward. So, this is a perfect position for me, right now. Tomorrow, things could change. And throwing HOH is always a big risk, no doubt. This could really be the thing that gets me evicted. But, I feel it's in my best interest.

I'm so ready for next week to start, and I can't wait to see what happens! Till next time!