Diary Room

[Rallentando]

Just a heads up, I still won't be able to make Double Eviction on Friday. I work until 9 pm EST. I could take my break around 7 pm EST, but I only get 20 minutes, and I don't plan on attempting to play the game from my phone. So, I guess I'll just have to hope for the best in Double Eviction. Honestly, the best day for me would have been tomorrow or Saturday, but I know you guys can't really plan everything around one person. Ideally Jake finally steps up and wins something, or I'm going on Friday and I can't do anything about it because I know just about everyone wants Jake and I gone.

Which, another thing, let me tell you... Derek is an idiot. Last season Amanda played a similar game to what Derek is playing, but she knew when to cut ties. The Bullet Club did the best we could to help her for as long as we could. Which ultimately got her the win, over Jake, because Amanda was really well liked. Derek is delusional in this game however. He is trying to stay friends with everyone, and even with everyone flat out telling him they want Jake and I gone, he doesn't understand that he is on that list as well. Derek is a former winner, a former runner up, and placed, what, third or fourth the last time he played? Derek is a massive threat in this game, honestly more so that Jake and I... And it frustrates me that people go to him and tell him these things. It really worries me. I know Derek wouldn't betray us, but at the same time I feel like he'd consider it... But he'd also mess up his game, because I don't see anyone taking him to the end, unless he has final 2 deals with people that he doesn't want to mention to Jake and I. Honestly, I don't really want to work with Derek this season. I've worked with him every season we've played together, and he is a good guy, but I know how he is. I know how friendly he is, and I know how dangerous he is. But we need the numbers. The three of us (Jake, Derek, and I) need to stick together until we become the majority. Jake seems to think he has Christian wrapped around his finger, but I don't believe that kid at all. I wanted Christian gone last week. I told Jake and Derek flat out that I wanted him out, but I wasn't going to play that way. I decided to let us all share HOH last week. In doing so, we got Jake's Number 1 enemy out. I wanted Matt out, because I don't trust him at all. I feel like he is playing too much of a social game, and he is a massive threat. Joner is slowly getting up there for me as well. That kid has either gotten really lucky, or has won a few POV's to save himself.

Now, if I win POV tomorrow, without even running it by Derek, I'm half tempted to remove Gabe from the block and demand Joner or Christian go up in his place. I'm tired of playing the nice guy like I usually play. I don't even really talk to anyone in this game any more besides Derek and Jake. But we need to start getting out people who can actually win comps, not people like James and Gabe, even though Gabe won that one POV (that was literally so easy I nearly told Christian the answer just to end it). A lot can go wrong this week, or a lot can go right. If I survive Double Eviction, I'm thinking I'm going to do my best to win HOH next week and get out Matt or Christian. No more listening to Jake and Derek. It's time I do what I want to do. It's time to play dirty, shake things up. It might be time to bring back the Bullet Club, but as a one man wrecking machine. Because even though I keep saying my interest in this game is disappearing due to real life stuff... I've recently gotten a fire in my step. I'm ready to rock and roll. I'm ready to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and I don't even like bubble gum. I might just start talking game to everyone again, and start scaring Derek, make him paranoid. Maybe I should make this game interesting...

[Brett]

That was not a first down.

[Rallentando]

Honestly, I wanted to watch the game, but it was early, and I had to work. It sounded like a good game. Either way it's hilarious that Penn State is going to the Big 10 Championship game over both those teams.

[Rallentando]

I'm going to post my eviction vote here because I am on my phone, and it's a pain to message Joe from my phone.

With that said, I gladly vote to evict Matt. It's no Christian, but Matt will do. I just hope what Derek says is true, that Matt will indeed go tomorrow.

[Rallentando]

So, I can't vote if I'm not nominated. Unless I send you a list now. So I'm going to do that.

1. Joner (if he is nominated I vote for him first)

2. Bryson

3. Gabe

4. Derek

5. Jake

I hope you guys understand this list. If I'm nominated I can't vote obviously. But just to be safe.

[Brett]

Got it.

[Rallentando]

Because I don't want to get in trouble for going off on Christian when I'm out of the game, and shouldn't be talking to him, I'm going to do it here, for him to potentially see afterwards:

Christian (to both Jake and I shortly after my eviction): I want you both to understand a couple things. First, I honestly feel bad about what I did tonight. I feel honored that I was able to call myself your friend and get to play with you, and would love to stay your friend in the future. If you don't want that, I'll accept that too, but that wasn't my intention.

Second, I know you promised me loyalty, but I would never be more trustworthy, in your minds, at least subconsciously, than yourselves or Derek. I would be playing to win comps at final four and onward most likely, and that would be very difficult to do with people like you who are some of the best comp players in the game.

Finally, I want to honestly apologize for what I did. I made the move I believed I had to, and if you decide to hold that against me either gamewise and personally, I deserve that. But you deserve an apology for a backstab like that, so I'm sorry. I honestly hope our friendship can continue

Me (as my final words to anyone not in the jury. I apologize in advance if I went too far): I'm going to be frank with you. I hated you from the minute you put me up the first time. Van was my closet ally in this game, not Jake, not Derek. You are still in this game because of Jake and Derek, because had it been up to me, you would have been gone over James last week. What you did tonight, what you are trying to pull with this stunt. It sickens me. I'm a good guy, I can forgive and forget, but I don't respect or reward this BS kind of game play. Derek lost all my respect tonight as well. This is my last words to anyone still playing this game, and I wanted you to hear them. If you are truly sorry, stay with Jake. Derek is NOT your best option, and he never was. Derek was never at the top of my list, it was always Van, it wasn't even Jake honestly. You brought us together, and I assure you you need to make amends with Jake and work with him.

Christian (In response to my final words): This isn't some "stunt" as you call it. If that's all this is to you, someone who is trying to get the jury vote of the person they just evicted, then fine. Hate me. But you know as well as I do that that's not what I'm doing. This is a person honestly caring about the person he evicted. I didn't send this message to Van, I didn't send it to James, I haven't sent it to anyone. But I sent it to you because I felt bad. Sorry that I apparently can't have emotions that aren't part of my gameplay. And since you aren't going to talk to me anymore, merry christmas too. I hope it's a good one.

Me (My response, exclusive to the Diary Room): Christian, let me tell you a little story. This game is something I hold near and dear to my heart. But this season, I wasn't feeling it. I was having problems in my real life, and the week you put me up, was the worst of it. Seeing I was nominated, it made things so much worse. I had already been at my breaking point, but knowing I was probably on my way out that week. I told the hosts that I might just up and quit. It was the combination of everything happening in my life at the time. When I found out who nominated Jake and I, I was livid. You and Van were the two people I wanted to work the most with in the game. I told Jake numerous times (who, yes, is a dear friend of mine, but I've known the guy for a really long time) that I wanted, once our identities were out in the open, to form a deal with you, Van, Jake, and myself. Maybe Derek, but honestly, Derek as Mike was worrying me (I knew Mike was really Derek just based on how he talked). So to hear you wanted Van out, a week after I saved Van, yes, I was the one who saved Van that week, it crushed my hopes and dreams for this game.

I get that you feel deeply sorry. I honestly believe that you do. But this isn't the first time you nominated Jake and I, man. It's the second time, and both times you came to us saying how sorry you were, but it had to be done. I swore to Jake, Derek, and the DR that the next opportunity I had, I would get you out of this house for getting rid of Van and doing what you did to Jake and I. Then, what do you know? I won HOH. What did I do with that power? I decided to share it with Jake and Derek, and in doing so, you got to remain in this game. It was my biggest regret of this game, because I cared so much about seeing you suffer in this game, but figured we could use you in the future to get out Derek or something. Then Double Eviction happened... The night that I had always prepared as my downfall, because it typically is. Double Eviction and I don't go well together.

But man, you have no idea how much it hurt to not even be able to fight. I had to work, and to see just before I went back to work that I was nominated... Knowing I could frantically send messages to everyone making false promises, it was painful. The biggest thing though, wasn't even your doing... It was the fact that Derek stabbed not just me, but Jake in the back. This is a game, I know that all too well. But I am not okay with these types of game moves. I get it, you did what you had to do, and Derek did what he had to do... But I always ask, "How would you feel if someone you thought was a friend did the same thing to you?". It hurts. I considered you a friend at one point, then after you nominated Jake and I, and kept to your plan of sending Van home, you NEVER talked to Jake or I again... Until tonight, when you needed to. So yes, I'm going to take this whole plea from you as some pathetic excuse to get our votes (should Jake even make jury). It was a stunt, and it was sickening. You can claim it wasn't, and maybe even in your eyes it wasn't completely meant to be taken that way... But it is how it will be read by me. The only way you would have my vote is if you were sitting next to Derek, and honestly in that case I think I'd much rather just vote for Donald Trump. At least I actually know to expect backstabbing from him.

You are a good guy, and if these games ever actually gave me good friends outside of them, we could maybe have a friendship... But they don't. The only person aside from Jake (who I didn't even meet from these games mind you) that I've remained friends with outside of the game is Amanda... And we had a big falling out after last season. Her and I recently patched things up, and she was excited to hear I was playing this game. Before tonight, I would have considered Derek a good friend too, I guess, but I haven't added him on Facebook, and don't plan to, never have. Like I said earlier, I am a good guy, and I can forgive and forget, but when you lose my respect, it's hard to get back. To me, respect is the ultimate thing. I've gone all my life being disrespected, and just when I think I'm finally being respected, it slips away.

So in closing, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas as well. Mine will be good if I get to spend it with my best friend, but with how her vehicle has been acting up, it likely won't happen. If it does though, I'll get the one thing I want for Christmas this year.

[Rallentando]

Who are you rooting for, and why?

I think that should be pretty obvious. I'm rooting for the only person I still remember is actually playing this game, Jake.

What was your favorite thing about playing this game?

Uh... Not sure really. This seas on was a roller coaster for me with real life things, so I didn't really give it the full attention I could have.

If you could change one thing about how you played this game, what would it be?

Nothing. I played the game as well as I was willing to give this time around. I could have taken Christian out when I said I had wanted to, but I wouldn't change that, because whose to say he would have gone if I put him up any ways?

[Rallentando]

I've never wanted to reach out to poor Joner than I do right now... What Christian and Bryson is pulling... It's sickening. I hope that kid is smart enough to see through this.

[Rallentando]

I know you guys won't respect it... but morally I can't vote for a winner. What Gabe said about Derek, ruined me being able to vote for him. And even though Christian played a decent game, how he got where he is doesn't sit well with me. I wouldn't call myself biased, but if that's how you guys want to see it, that's how you'll see it.

If you need to find someone who will actually vote, I won't complain. Just consider this me telling you guys I'm boycotting this vote.

[joepetz999]

Ok. We will ask Van to break a tie if necessary.

[bb7champbrendan]

You morally can't vote for a winner but you can enable Jake. Unbelievable.

Glad Van stopped Gabe from winning. You're ridiculous for almost allowing that to happen.

[Rallentando]

Gabe would have won if I had voted. Sounds just as bad as when you beat Jake in a season you took credit for all his work, huh? Go back to the hole you crawled out of troll.

[bb7champbrendan]

You even comparing a Gabe vs. Christian F2 to a Jake vs. me F2 is just....there's no hope of logic with you.

You constantly shit on CR, and then to turn around and vote a guy 10,000 times worse than him. What was that about bitter Jurors you were saying? Hypocrisy, hypocrisy, hypocrisy.

Even Jake had the balls to vote Christian in the end.

BB11 is in the wrong hands.

[Rallentando]

I didn't vote for a reason, Brendan. Christian deserved his win, but morally I couldn't vote for a guy who wouldn't own up to the things he did and just apologized time and time again.

Then there was Gabe... Who I would actually say played a smart game, until he decided to bash Derek. That was when I decided I couldn't vote. I didn'the expect there to be a tie, but I'm glad Van got to break the tie.