Week 4 Diary Room

[Derek]

DAY 22:

I finally have some time to go over everything that's been happening the last several days. I'm either in a very good position, right now, or everyone is about to give me the biggest blindside. We will see!

So, going back to the moment when Luci nominated Van and Matt, I have to say that that really upset me. I felt that Luci made a terrible decision to do that. Then, when Matt gets vetoed, she needs to make a replacement nominee. She fails to do that, and Luci becomes the other nominee. Christian, Bryson, and I tried everything to save her. We spoke to Matt, Joner, "Tyreke", "Sam", and James, and all of them said that they wanted to vote Luci out. Luci had alienated a lot of people in the house and they weren't going to pass up the chance to get rid of her. The only reason I voted for Van was because Christian was willing to buy an extra vote. He did, so I figured that it would make the vote a tie, and we were gambling on Luci coming back to at least save herself. The hosts told Christian that as HOH, Luci would still break the tie.

But, alas, another twist was revealed and Luci was still eliminated. I found out about what happened there later that night, after the Covert Affair Veterans Twist was revealed. I definitely still feel mixed about how last week went. Part of me, at the time, really wanted us to get rid of Tyreke. I suspected that "Tyreke" was a veteran, as I told Brett that story about how Jake was messaging me on Facebook as I was messaging Tyreke on ProBoards, so I thought it was Jake trying to flush me out. Turns out, I WAS RIGHT!!!! But, I couldn't tell Luci that, as I would have broke the rules about the twist. One thing I can swear on a stack of Bibles, I never violated that twist. I played the identity of Michael, right up until the moment Brett revealed who I was. I'll get to that, in a minute. But, Luci leaving the game this week, I think it will benefit me. I didn't think it would, initially, but I think it will. The thing about Luci was that her personality wasn't always the one people liked. Many people I spoke to didn't like how she presented herself, especially with the first HOH. They found her arrogant and they worried about her as a loose cannon. Luci confirmed that with this past HOH. She did her own thing, without consulting the alliance first. And she lied. I always had trouble talking to Luci, because I worried if I said the wrong thing, she'd turn on me. She reminded me a lot of Vanessa. I only allied with her, because I would rather have her as a friend than an enemy. In many ways, I'm very upset with the way she left the game. I really hope that everything is alright in her real life. She told me her father was not doing well, health wise, and I worry he may have passed away. But, I wish she would have either announced she was quitting or at least saved herself and tried to see if she could stay in the game. But, the votes didn't go down that way, anyways. So, overall, I am actually kinda glad that Luci is gone. I think Christian and Bryson are more willing to work together as a team, than Luci ever could have been. Heck, she probably would have been the one to jump ship with all of the plans going down, now.


AND THEN THERE'S THE TWIST!

So, the other night, my identity was revealed. And along with it, I found out that I wasn't the only veteran in this game. Jake and Cody, two people I'm very familiar with, are also in the game. I had a sudden mix of feelings about those two being back. First off, together, they are a huge force to be reckoned with. Jake and Cody have done things in this game that are very similar to what Yami and I did. Plus, the question is, is Jake coming after me? The answer to that, I think, is yes and no. As many people know, Jake and I have a rivalry. It's a friendly rivalry, but it's there. Big Brother 6 was a big season and it was the last season that Jake was ever evicted. As many people know, in that season, I made a Coalition Alliance with myself, Yami, Cody, Amanda, AJ, Jennifer, and Taylor. And I put up Jake and JR that week. JR quit, Amanda quit the next week, I won the HOH after that, and I ended up getting Jake out. It wasn't my intention to go after Jake, but nonetheless, I still outsmarted Jake along the way. That's something he has never forgotten. Cody, I am happy that he's here, as well. Cody and I aren't as close as we were before, plus Yami was always my go to guy in Big Brother seasons of past. But, we still have a relationship and we're on good terms. Cody is definitely closer to Jake, and I'm not going to try and break that up.

Well, after the reveal, a lot happened. I got a lot of messages from people, shocked that I was a veteran and a winner. Joner couldn't believe that he was working in the game with a former winner. James was shocked that I was a veteran. And Christian and Bryson were surprised, as well. At first, they definitely took it somewhat hard. We were just trying to wrap our heads around Luci leaving when all of a sudden they get this bombshell dropped on them. Christian's response was.... "Well, it seems like it's not the only thing hidden in this game." or something like that. After everyone calmed down, I talked to them. They realized that no matter my identity, I truly am with them. And I mean it, I'm still with Christian and Bryson. In this game, if I had to pick an alliance, that's the one I'm standing strong with. So, when they heard that, they seemed to recover and still want to maintain the alliance with me.

Jake and Cody also approached me. Both knew I was in the game. I had talked with "Sam" about The Walking Dead. That gave me away to him, he says. Jake also figured out I was me during that conversation. But, they seemed happy that I was in the game. Jake always wanted to compete against me, again. So, he has his wish. What he will do with that chance? That's up in the air. Jake and Cody both want to work with me. They stated that the house probably already knew that the veterans were going to work together, so we felt we should definitely stick together and try to figure something out. I would like to believe that they are serious with me, because they've been open with me. Ironically, I haven't been. I have kept silent about my Private Eyes Alliance, because that would put Christian and Bryson in danger. I want them to stick around.

Jake and Cody revealed that they found out their identities early and have been talking. I also found out what happened in the vote for Luci and Van. See, Cody stated he bought the care package which allowed him to either nullify a vote or change a vote, I can't remember. But, he made it so that Gabe's vote didn't count, because Gabe was so open about getting rid of Van. That's what happened. So, Jake and Cody have revealed what they've done. I just stated that I've been cruising along, and that the first two weeks were easy.

Plus, what is really great? THE THREE OF US HAVE THE SAME OPINIONS ABOUT THE HOUSE GUESTS. Jake and Cody like Van and they like Christian. They feel Bryson is just a floater. But, they are concerned about James, Gabe, and Joner. I have no issue going after them! So, we are at least on the same page on that issue. So, I have Jake and Cody working with me. I have the Private Eyes.

NOW, WITH HOH JUST HAPPENING, HERE'S THE LATEST AND THE GREATEST

It turns out I received two penalty votes, cause I didn't get my code until 7:09. I'm not surprised I got penalty votes, but I thought I'd get more! But, the penalty votes mattered. That puzzle was easy and I had the answer, but the competition was over. Those precious minutes mattered. BUT, THE GOOD NEWS IS: CHRISTIAN WON HOH! I was ecstatic. A Private Eye won HOH, again! And that meant a lot of things: it took the power away from Jake and Cody. Jake or Cody making the HOH decision might have been beneficial to me, but it would have been nerve wracking to see if they were really going to keep their word or if they have intentions to back door me. It's hard to say, but they are still being open to me.

Jake revealed that he bought the care package and it allowed him to neutralize someone's ability to vote or buy things from the Chen Store, or play in the Veto, unless they were nominated. So, they let me in on this information! AWESOME! I mean, again, people are just coming to me and stating the truth. Joner used two magnifying glasses to find out HOH for our alliance in both weeks. How crazy is that? It is amazing that people are willing to come to me and state their information they have, and I just sit in the middle acting shocked and surprised. I thought I'd be in the dark about a lot of things when the Covert Affair twist was revealed. But now, I know every detail of what's happened, so far. And it's incredible.

So, when Christian revealed he won, the three Private Eyes talked. Christian realized the mistake that Luci made last week and he wants us to go into this week agreeing on the same thing. Now, what will happen is contingent on a lot of things.

Christian wants to target Van. He still thinks that Van is a threat, and wants to get him out. But, he might also target James/Joner or even go after Cody/Jake. Obviously, Christian recognizes that every move has consequences. And it's true: every move has consequences. If we go after Jake and Cody, one of them might come off the block, win HOH next week, and our alliance is toast. If we let Jake and Cody go, though, they still might do the same thing. It's a risk keeping them in the game together, but it's also a risk going after them right out of the gate. That is a dilemma. Plus, we also don't want to waste the HOH on an opportunity that might be there. Bryson really wants to go after Jake and Cody. Christian would be on board for that, but he wants to check something out, first.

Christian told me that he's going to talk to Jake and Cody and see if he can barter some kind of a deal with them, moving forward. Jake and Cody like Christian, and I let him know that information beforehand. I suggested to Christian a method he can use in order to not reveal our alliance, and he thought it was brilliant. Christian told us he's going to go to Jake and Cody and see if they will agree to go after certain targets in the house when they are HOH. Van, James, Joner, and Matt are the four people that are outside of any of our "groups". Rather than going to Jake and Cody and saying: "Hey, will you keep me, Bryson, and Gabe safe" he's going to instead say, "Hey, going into next week, why don't we get on the same page about who to target?" Christian wants to target Van this week. Then, we might be able to move on to James, Joner, and Matt going into next week and maybe the one after that. If they agree, then it accomplishes something magnificent.

It will keep the Private Eyes off of Jake and Cody's radar. That, maybe if they realize that they will be safe, and there is a plan in place, they will hopefully follow it next week. So, if we get out Van this week, and say Jake or Cody wins HOH, they'll put up James and Joner, instead of Christian or Bryson, or me. By proposing the plan this way, it will keep our alliance a secret. In a sense, Christian will be hoping that the group will then come to Bryson and Gabe for support in getting out these other house guests. So, instead of it seeming like two alliances are coming together to battle the rest of the house, a "COALITION" WILL BE FORMING!

This plan is almost similar to what I did in Big Brother 6. I united two alliances/groups together into one big one with a common purpose. We can do the exact same thing, here. Jake, Cody, myself, Christian, Bryson, and Gabe can become a Six Person Coalition, that will target other members of the house instead of ourselves. That way, they don't expect an alliance. As far as I know, the Private Eyes are still "private". Hence, Jake and Cody won't suspect what is going on. And if either Bryson or myself wins HOH next week, then we have the option to blindside Jake and Cody. It's brilliant!


In addition, the Private Eyes have added Gabe to our group, so we have a fourth person again. We basically told him that we were the "Luci Supporters" and to prevent people from teaming up against us, we should form together. He was down for that. He doesn't know Christian, Bryson, and I are the Private Eyes, though.



OF COURSE.......................................................................................................

This is all hoping that everything everyone has been telling me is their true intentions. There is still a chance that I'm the one being fooled. I will never put that out of my mind. I recognize that Christian going to Jake and Cody may be a deal to get me out. Christian may be plotting my elimination, right now. He may figure a new deal is what is better for his game. That maybe with him and Bryson with Jake and Cody, it would be a great Final Four. I've considered that something may be going on, behind my back. I'm smart enough to consider all of those possibilities going on behind me, right now. They may be happening, they may not. Everything I described above may be what's going on, for real. Or, maybe the other people are in the diary room right now laughing because they're going to pull the wool over Derek's eyes (Derek, you are not allowed to talk about your other houseguest's diary room sessions.) "Sorry Big Brother producers".

But, Big Brother is about risk and trust. You need to have trust in the game and you have to be willing to take risks. That's what I'm doing now. I'm going to trust my alliance. I am going to trust that they have my back, that I will make it one more week in this game, and if I do, then I might come out stronger than ever.

I thought when my identity was revealed, it was game over. It might still be, but with what's going on and everything happening around me, the "Derek Reputation" may just come in handy to keeping me in this game! We'll see.

Till next time America, I'm Derek. And yes, I can finally say that it's me!!!

[Derek]

DAY 23:

These last 24 hours have either been the perfect set-up to get me out, or I am in a very good position. We'll find out!

So, obviously, we've seen that Christian put up Jake and Cody for eviction. I was mixed on it. The fact is: Jake and Cody really seem to want to work with me, in the game. Jake admitted to me that he bought the Care Package and he used it to make sure James couldn't purchase any Chens, vote, or play in the Veto. So, that was a really important revelation. Jake asked me to return the favor by buying the magnifying glass and finding out who won HOH. Of course, I already know that Christian did, because Christian told me and Joner told me he already bought the magnifying glass. But, Christian also wanted me to keep it a secret from Jake and Cody that he was HOH. So, I was in a little bit of a bind.

Pretty much, I stalled. I tried to "investigate" and find out who was HOH, but Jake gave me an ultimatum. Jake basically told me that I needed to prove I was with the Veterans. I needed to buy the magnifying glass and found out who HOH was. If I didn't, it would prove that I wasn't with them. Well, I spoke with Christian about this, and Christian agreed to let me tell Jake and Cody the truth.

Not soon after, Christian messaged them and told them that they were pawns. That he really wants to get out Van, like he initially said. Christian spoke with Jake and Cody earlier about the topic. Jake didn't want to target Van and Cody didn't really want to, either. That's pretty much why they went up. But, at this point, all of our bases are covered.

I've been acting as a liaison between the Private Eyes and Jake and Cody. I've pretty much been telling Christian everything that Jake and Cody tell me. In exchange, I try to steer Jake and Cody away from targeting Christian and Bryson, and keeping their focus on James, Joner, Matt, Van, and Gabe. That's my role at this point. I was able to convince Christian that it was in the best interest of the Private Eyes to tell Jake and Cody the truth about him winning HOH. Like I said above, Jake flat out gave me the ultimatum to find out or else. It was the only way I could keep the trust going with them. So, I told them I bought a magnifying glass, but I didn't have to actually do that, because Christian is on my side. Christian told me to go ahead and tell them I bought the glass, so that way I can keep the trust going. I did, and for now, it seems to have worked!

So, at this point, the Private Eyes really have the decision this week in the game. No matter what, we want the Veto used. Jake and Cody still are interested in working with Christian, so keeping them in the game might actually help the Private Eyes, like I said above, I wanted to make a Coalition between these two forces, without Jake and Cody really knowing the real alliance between myself, Christian, and Bryson. We can decide to get rid of the Veteran that stays on the block, Van, or James.

The plan at this point is this: if either Jake or Cody wins the Veto, Van goes on the block. If Van wins the Veto, and uses it, then James goes up. The biggest worry, right now, is that either Joner or the sixth person that plays in the Veto wins and doesn't use it. I know that Christian, Jake, Cody, Joner, and Bryson are five players in the Veto. I do not know the identity of the sixth person. But, we want the Veto used, so that it gives the Private Eyes options moving forward.

I don't know yet who is leaving, though. It's really up to what everyone says. Ultimately, I believe it will work in my favor. Because if Jake and Cody stay in the house, that's a group of three I can work with. Plus, the target shifts towards them rather than me. I really sit tight in the middle between two factions in this house and we are on the same page. Jake, Cody, Christian, and Bryson all would have no problem targeting James, Joner, or Matt going into the next week. What happens from there, only time will tell.

Again, this could be a big blindside against me, though. When everything seems too good to be true, you do start to wonder if it's really you that's being played. And I won't rule it out, but there's nothing I can do about it. I can't compete in the Veto tomorrow because I have my Induction Ceremony into the Pennsylvania Bar Association tomorrow. So, buying a spot would just be a waste of Chens. I can only hope that the trust I have built, thus far, continues to exist and will carry me through another week. That is all I can hope. (Fingers Crossed)

[Derek]

DAY 25

YES! This week worked out perfectly, so far. The end result is going to be essential to everything working out.

So, Cody won the Veto, so that worked in our favor. Cody came off of the block and Van went on, according to plan.

When I saw that Chen Challenge, I saw a lot of opportunities. When I saw Jake was in the game, I knew this would be an opportunity to make Jake the bad guy and also pay him back for what he did earlier in the week. I was honest when I said I was shooting for everyone getting 100 Chens, but then I realized what was going to happen as it was happening. And I was happy for it. My idea was to get out early, first, because I had a feeling that Jake was going to take the Exemption Card if they voted him out early. I never figured that he would go out second, that was foolish for Bryson, Matt, and Joner to do. The guy is on the block, his back is against the wall, what did you think he was going to do? Of course, he was going to take the Exemption Card. I knew Jake would, and I am so glad he did.

My goal was to get out first, so I wouldn't be penalized if Jake did so. So, that's why I made my pitch. I wanted out of there. My hope is that the house sees this as an honest gesture, that I am a man of my word and you should trust me. Well, when they voted out Jake, I knew he would take the exemption card. Afterwards, I messaged Jake and told him that I was paying him back for buying the Care Package earlier in the week.

Jake told me he was glad I went out first, because he wouldn't have taken the Exemption Card if I was still in the game. He didn't want to penalize me, which I was so grateful for. It really shows me that he does want to work with me. Now, granted, that might fade as the weeks go forward, cause I can't see a scenario where we go to the end together. I just can't see it. But, as of now, working with me is something Jake seems to want to do. So, hey, if he wants to do that, I'm all for it.

That Chen Challenge set Jake up as the villain. Now, it's very possible people might suspect that I had something to do with it. If so, then it is what it is. I knew Jake was going to take the Exemption Card, so yes, I did have something to do with it. But, it was their own fault that they voted Jake out. If they were smart, they would have waited until last to leave Jake in the room. But, they can live with their mistakes. But, it sets Jake up as the target in the house, and that's exactly where I want their attention to go.

With Van going up, Cody and I will definitely vote for Van. Our hope is that Gabe also votes for Van, because of how he feels about him. Now, the issue going forward, at this point, is whether Bryson will agree to vote out Van or if he's set on voting out Jake. After what happened, Bryson might want to vote out Jake. Now, if that's the case, then this might really split people going forward. Because we can still get Van out with three votes, and Christian breaks the tie, but then Bryson would feel betrayed. And we don't want to end up like last week with Luci. Of course, the difference there was it was one person acting on their own and three of us in disagreement. This time, it would be two (three depending on Gabe) people acting on their own and one feeling in the dark. That is not a good place to be. I do not want Bryson feeling on the outs. I still want the Private Eyes to be strong together. The bottom line is: if Jake stays in the house, that's a target that stays in the house. It benefits the Private Eyes, because people won't target us. And it also benefits me.

Remember BB18, when Frank and Davonne were in the house. Frank was voted out, and then all of a sudden people realized that Davonne was a big threat, and got rid of her. Well, think of Jake as Frank and I'm Davonne. Frank is legendary as a person that could win competitions and the control he had in the house scared people. With Frank in the house, Davonne continued to be overlooked as a threat. But, once Frank left, Davonne ended up becoming Public Enemy Number 1. And I think the exact same thing will happen here: if Jake goes, I'm the biggest threat in the game, then. As long as Jake stays, maybe I can continue on. Jake and Cody are a power couple. My hope is that people will put them up together, rather than putting Jake and I up. We'll see. But, it benefits me and it benefits the Private Eyes if Jake stays and Van leaves. I can only hope to convince Bryson of this scenario. If I can't, then this game will get a lot harder.

At this point, I don't trust Gabe. He hasn't really been talking with me, and I think he's upset about Van not leaving last week and the veterans being in the game. I worry he might not vote for Van, but there's a better chance he will. If Bryson also votes for Van, it means we're unified. I want a unified group, because otherwise I get grouped together with Jake and Cody. I don't want that happening.

So, when Bryson comes out of solitary, I have to go to work. I have to convince Bryson and Gabe that keeping Jake benefits our group. We'll see what happens!

[Derek]

DAY 26

Tonight's move has either been the move that will take me far in this game or it has sealed my fate and I will be voted out sooner rather than later. The fact of the matter is: games like Survivor and Big Brother always involve asking yourself the question: What If? What if Marcellas used the Veto on himself in Season 3? What if Danielle wouldn't have targeted Brendan and Rachel in Big Brother 13? What if Monte wouldn't have targeted Jason in OTT? There are so many moves in Survivor and Big Brother that have been nails in the coffin for contestants. Lex voting out Jerri instead of Amber in All Stars, Mike taunting Evel Dick in Big Brother 8, and many more. There comes a point in the game where players look back and wonder how things could have been different, what move they could have made that could have changed everything and made them succeed. I feel this week is my week where I will look back and be thankful for this move or regret it.

At the beginning of the week, I found out that Jake and Cody were also in this game. When Christian won HOH, he was originally going to put up either Jake/Cody or Van/James. He ended up going with Jake and Cody when he didn't get good answers of a deal with them. However, things changed after subsequent talks, and Christian decided to work with me to keep Jake and Cody over Van. This is a move that has shocked the house.

Right before the vote, I was concerned about what was going on. Matt and Joner both wanted to vote off Jake. I had talked with Bryson last night, stating the reasons it was better for the Private Eyes to get rid of Van over Jake. Bryson wouldn't budge, he was sure that he wanted Jake out. The fact is: Jake did steal Chens from Bryson in the Chen Challenge. Jake stole the Chens for himself and took 40 Chens from all three of those players. I can imagine that they would be very upset. So, that was three votes for Jake, already. It would be a tie no matter what. Cody was going to vote for Van and I also voted for Van, for reasons I will state below. The question was whether Gabe would also vote for Van. It turns out he did, but that was a gamble we definitely took. It looks like Gabe's dislike for Van was stronger than his dislike for the veterans and he got his revenge. But, to be sure, Cody bought an extra vote. I was so relieved when he did. Jake and Cody both think that I spent Chens for the Veterans this week for the Magnifying Glass. THEY HAVE NO IDEA THAT I DIDN'T! I still have all of my Chens, but I'm going to play it up like I'm low on Chens because of the Glass and "because I lost Chens in the Halloween Chen Challenge" (when I really didn't.)

As it stands, Van left the game this week. It was something I wanted to happen, but not because it was Van, in particular. I just wanted to vote out whoever was sitting next to Jake, and sadly that turned out to be Van. I really liked Van, personally, and it was really tough to vote him out. But, strategically, I felt it was best to keep Jake in this game. My strategy right now has really been to play the Double Agent in the game. Jake and Cody seem to really want to work with me and I feel that will benefit me. I also have my Private Eyes Alliance with Bryson and Christian (and I guess, Gabe, but I don't know where he stands right now). The bottom line is: I want to work myself into the safest corner that I can find myself. I believe that keeping both Jake and Cody, as well as the Private Eyes, is my best bet. Because Bryson will want to get rid of Jake and Cody, so he would hopefully keep me safe. I have a good connection with Christian, so he and I can work together. Plus, by keeping Jake and Cody in the game, I can try to shift the attention away from Christian and Bryson, and towards Joner, Matt, and James.

Big Brother is a game of numbers, a game of strength, and a social game, as well. Keeping Jake in the game, I believe, is going to benefit me more than when he's voted out. Remember back in Survivor 12: Panama when Terry was in the game and there was the Casaya 6 Alliance? Well, Terry kept winning all of the Immunity Challenges, so he couldn't be voted out of the game. And, eventually, his other tribe members were voted out, and only the Casaya 6 and Terry were left. Well, after Bruce went home due to being medically evacuated, there were 6 people left. Terry won Immunity, again, and wanted to get Aras out of the game, because Aras was a competition threat against Terry. Terry's belief was that if he got Aras out of the game, he could beat the others in the rest of the Immunity Challenges, very easily. Terry then aligned with Courtney, but Cirie, Aras, and Danielle realized the threat that Courtney posed in the game. If everyone was going to align with Courtney, then it would result in others getting voted out and she would stay in the game. Courtney was voted out that week because of that reason and also because Cirie and Danielle knew that they needed to beat Terry in the individual immunity challenges. The only possible way that could happen would be if Aras was in the game. Aras was the best chance to beat Terry, so they kept him in the game. Using that line of thinking is part of the reason why I kept Jake.

Jake is a huge threat in this game. He is a competition threat and he now has Chens that can possibly make an impact in the game. Yes, it is absolutely risky to keep him. Aras won Survivor 12: Panama. Jake could absolutely beat everyone in a bunch of competitions and make it to the end like he did in Big Brothers 7, 8, and 9. But, when I balance my short term and long term game, I realized and hoped that people would continue to see Jake as a threat and see a reason to keep me in the game. And I also hope that Jake and Cody see the use in keeping me around, as well. The bottom line is, Jake, Cody, and I are still in the minority. This is not like other seasons of Big Brother where the majority of people are veterans and there are only a few new people. I feel like this season, being a veteran matters more than it ever did before. And people are probably thinking right now that they need to get the veterans out and I don't blame them. Jake, Cody, and I have proven that we are good at this game and we know the risks to take and we know what it takes to win. We have experience. But, my hope is that I can make my allies in the Private Eyes and Joner, as well, to see that I am still useful.

As I told Christian, and I plan to explain to Bryson when he messages me back, my move was to benefit the Private Eyes. I mean, it was to benefit me, first and foremost. By keeping Jake, the attention stays on him. If Matt or Joner wins HOH, my hope is that they will put up Jake and Cody again, rather than me. If Jake or Cody wins, then I hope my status as a veteran keeps me safe, by default, because they still want to work with me. I hope I have proven my worth to them. But, also, I hope my Private Eyes still see me as a number they can use. With Jake and Cody in the game, they are threats that can tear the Private Eyes. My hope is that Bryson, Christian, and Gabe see that I am worth keeping because I can help get rid of Jake and Cody. And my goal is to shield them from getting nominated and evicted. I want Jake and Cody's attention focused on James, Joner, and Matt. I want the Private Eyes to focus on staying together, whether it means taking out Jake, Cody, or Joner, Matt, or James. I feel that benefits me the most.

This game is about showing people why you are worthy to be here. I need to prove my worth in this game to the Private Eyes and to Jake and Cody. That is how I stay in this game. And, to put it in other terms, it's how I stay in this game without having to fight for my life by winning every competition I can.

Because there is probably going to come a day where I am forced to do that. My hope is that keeping Jake and Cody for another week or two will delay that effect. I have often wondered whether Christian, Bryson, and Gabe are talking behind my back. Whether they are thinking that eventually, I need to be cut from the alliance and voted out, because otherwise I am going to win the game. I have considered every possible scenario happening, right now. I've been considering that the Private Eyes will eventually cut me from the alliance. I've been considering that Jake and Cody may be playing me, right now. That they are laughing in the Diary Room entries that I am so stupid to keep them and that they have a great blindside planned for me either this week, next week, or in the near future. Another issue is that maybe people are going to start associating me more with Jake and Cody after this vote. People have to realize I was a vote against Van. They may go after Jake and Cody, but if either of them wins the Veto and comes off the block, maybe I'm the replacement? I would not be surprised of that, and it does worry me, especially if Joner, Matt, or James wins HOH. I'd even be concerned with Bryson winning HOH, after what just happened, putting me up as a replacement nominee. That is also a risk that might happen to me.

I've thought of all of these things, but ultimately, I have to hope for the best outcomes rather than the worst case scenarios that can come out of these outcomes. My hope is that Jake and Cody really do want to work with me. Preferably, if I can't win HOH next week, I would like one of them to win. I think it would be the safest bet. From there, I would want Bryson to win, and hope that he still believes I am true to the Private Eyes. From there, anything can happen. But, ultimately, I need to go out there and win HOH. I have not won a single competition, yet, and I am dying for power in this game. I want it, and I hope that next week is my lucky week! We will see.

For now, I'm going to enjoy the weekend, repair my relationship with Bryson, and get ready for next week! Till next time! Glad I'm still here!